From Stress to Success: How to Handle Difficult People

We’ve all been there...working with someone whose personality just rubs us the wrong way. Whether it’s a co-worker, manager, or client, dealing with difficult personalities is one of the most common challenges we face in the workplace. It can be frustrating, draining, and sometimes downright exhausting. Sometimes we find ourselves in situations where we don't want to be confrontational, but here’s the thing: how you manage these situations can make a huge difference in your own stress levels and overall work experience. So, how do you keep your cool and find a way to work effectively, even when you're dealing with someone tough to handle?

Start by Understanding Their Perspective

 Okay, okay, this is probably the last thing you want to do when someone is being difficult. It’s easy to label someone as difficult or unreasonable, but the truth is that everyone comes to the table with their own experiences, fears, and goals. Taking the time to understand where they're coming from can often help you navigate the relationship more effectively. Maybe your manager is micromanaging because they're under pressure to hit targets. Or perhaps a co-worker is being passive-aggressive because they feel threatened or unheard. Maybe that client follows up continuously because of a past experience. 

Rather than jumping to conclusions, try to step into their shoes for a moment. Ask yourself: what’s motivating their behavior? This shift in mindset can help you respond with more empathy instead of frustration.

Stay Calm and Professional

One of my infamous sayings is, "You can't control your first thought, but you can control the second." When you’re dealing with difficult personalities, it’s essential to keep your own emotions in check. Responding with irritation or defensiveness can escalate the situation, and once the tension rises, it’s hard to dial it back.

Instead, try to stay calm and professional. If someone is being rude or dismissive, resist the urge to fire back with a snappy response. Take a deep breath, and if needed, take a moment to collect your thoughts. It’s far better to walk away and revisit the conversation when you’re calm than to say something you might regret later.

Set Boundaries (But Be Respectful)

Setting boundaries is key to preserving your sanity when working with difficult personalities. If a client or colleague is constantly overstepping or demanding too much, it's okay to set limits. But how you communicate those boundaries matters. Instead of sounding defensive or irritated, aim to be assertive and clear without being confrontational.

For example, if a client is constantly reaching out after hours with urgent requests, you could say, “I want to make sure I can give your concerns the attention they deserve, but I’m unavailable after 6 PM. Let’s set up a time to discuss this tomorrow.” This kind of response is firm yet professional.

Focus on the Solution, Not the Problem

Sometimes, it's easy to get bogged down by a difficult situation and focus all your energy on how frustrating a person is. But shifting your focus to solving the issue at hand is often the most productive way to handle things.

If a co-worker is dragging their feet on a project, instead of complaining about it, try asking them how you can support them in getting the job done. Keep the conversation solution-focused. Not only will this help you maintain a more positive interaction, but it may also encourage the other person to engage in a more cooperative way.

Know When to Walk Away

Let’s face it: not every difficult personality is someone you can change or work with effectively. Sometimes, the best way to deal with a tough situation is to step back and remove yourself from the equation. Whether it's a toxic co-worker or an unreasonably demanding client, if all your efforts to improve the relationship have failed, it might be time to re-evaluate your approach.

In some cases, it could mean having a candid conversation with a manager or HR about the challenges you're facing. And in more extreme cases, it may involve finding a way to move on from that particular client or co-worker, especially if their behavior is affecting your mental health or job performance.

Don’t Take It Personally

One of the biggest challenges in dealing with difficult people is the tendency to take their behavior personally. It's easy to think that someone's rude comments or passive-aggressive attitude are a reflection of your abilities or worth. But in reality, their behavior is often a reflection of their own struggles, insecurities, or bad habits.

Remember: how someone else acts is about them, not you. Keep that in mind the next time you’re dealing with a tough personality, and don’t let their behavior affect your confidence or productivity.

Know When to Seek Help

If you've tried everything and the situation isn’t improving, it’s okay to seek help. Sometimes it takes an outside perspective to see a different solution. Talk to a trusted mentor, colleague, or supervisor who might be able to provide advice or mediate the situation. They might have more experience dealing with difficult personalities and can offer strategies or insights that you haven’t considered

Dealing with difficult personalities is never easy, but by staying calm, setting boundaries, and focusing on solutions, you can navigate through these challenges with grace and professionalism. Remember, it’s not about changing the other person, but rather about how you handle the situation. With the right approach, you’ll not only improve your work relationships but also grow your own skills in managing tough conversations.

Author: Carissa Mason